Opening Day: Hooks Style | 
It’s only natural when you grow up in a town who’s sole identity is housing the world’s largest brewer that eventually the people residing there would make up days to get t-totally housed to the point of blackout.
St. Patrick’s Day? Wear green. Get drunk.
Halloween? Wear mask. Get drunk.
Roman Pulaski? Insult someone Polish. Get drunk. And high.
But none of those manufactured drunk days can hold a candle to the debauchery that is the St. Louis Cardinals home opener.
In fact, I wrote about this here and you know how many people told me that I didn’t even scratch the surface of how bombed people get on Home Opener? One thousand thirty four. Roughly.
And maybe back in the 50′s or 70′s, this would have been a natural anesthetic for the rancid on-field performance of the Cardinals. But in 2010, you might actually be missing something.
The Cardinals are built to win the World Series. Every single off-season move was made with one goal in mind- win. it. all. And by getting cross-eyed before the first pitch, you might just be missing soaking in that little bit of history.
Ahh- who the hell am I kidding. You people wouldn’t know self control until the doctor induced your coma in the ER. Mostly, you’re responsible. But there’s no talking you out of those 15 tall boys on Home Opener.
Although you’ll be wasted- you still could manage better than Dusty Baker. That guy is managing poorly.
You can find Aaron Hooks over at CardsDiaspora.com and follow him on Twitter.
There is a movement to make Opening Day a state wide holiday in Missouri, official Twitter page.
Topics: Anesthetic, Blackout, Cardinals Home Opener, Debauchery, Dusty Baker, Field Performance, Goal In Mind, Hooks, Insult, Mask, Missing Something, Opening Day, Pulaski, Rancid, Self Control, St Patrick S Day, St. Louis Cardinals, Tall Boys, twitter, World Series
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